Boom, Roasted.

green-satan:

this movie was a masterpiece 

Gf: babe come over
Me: I'm eating garlic bread
Gf: I'm horny and my parents aren't home
Me: it's the kind that's covered in cheese

sibiet:

i actually like asshole couples best like the couples that pick on each other so much and call each other names but it’s okay because you know they’re actually totally in love and none of it is meant in a mean way and every insult is punctuated by a sweet comment to remind the other how much they actually adore them and i’m sorry but there isn’t anything cuter ok

teslatea - oh im sorry i didnt see you there i was too busy mmmmmmmmblockin out the haters
675,556 plays

cophate:

oh im sorry i didnt see you there i was too busy mmmmmmmmblockin out the haters

home-of-a-heart:

thtwhitegurrl:

slutdust:

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said “Thank you.”

I said “Don’t mention it.”

Is there a joke here that 15 thousand people get but I don’t?

I DONT GET IT SOMEONE EXPLAIN OR I WILL KILL

midorimashintarou:

clock: 3am

me: image